The Coffee Cake Conundrum

There are many things in life I just don't understand, which range anywhere from the popularity of Jack White to the willingness of Mac users dish out $3000+ for a computer in the 21st century. But whatever. Coffee Cake falls into the category of things I don't understand.


Let me explain. I don't drink coffee. It just isn't my thing. I like the smell, but that's about as far as it goes. I don't like coffee-flavored anything. That includes the following: coffee, ice cream, cake, gum, or you name it. Some people live for coffee but not me.

For the majority of my life, I lived without coffee cake because I don't like the taste of coffee. At one point in the last few years, I remember having a similar conversation to this with somebody.

Unnamed individual: "Daniel, would you like some coffee cake?"
Me: "No, thank you. I don't like the taste of coffee."
Unnamed individual: "Coffee cake doesn't taste like coffee. It's called that because you eat it with coffee."
Me: "That's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life."

I don't know what genius named coffee cake, but he/she is officially on my black list. I don't call french fries "Cheeseburger Sticks". I don't call ketchup "Hot Dog Juice". What jackass came up with the reasoning behind the name for Coffee Cake? Since when do we name food for what it might go well with? Sometimes I wonder why I get up in the morning with morons like this running the world. All this time I could have been eating coffee cake had one of my hundreds of "friends" let me in on this secret.